3 Steps to Finding a “Good” Man

Where are all the good men?  I hear the question so many times that I looked into it and I found out if its true and what women can do about it.

Good men are going the way of the Dodo.

First off, let’s start with the word good.  Good by definition means solid and indicates contentment. Yet the description of a good man usually falls into the great category.  Good job, confident, knows how to treat a woman, able to communicate his feelings, knows how to be supportive, etc. etc…  Statistically that only represents a small percentage of the men out there.  So not only does good mean great but we are calling great only good.  Sounds like an interesting paradox.

Next we are telling these same guys they are dogs, unfaithful, completely at the whim of their sexual desires, incapable of true emotionally connection, and inferior to women in the realm of relationships.  And instead of providing more resources that fit men’s need and preferred ways of learning we tend to criticize the men for what they don’t know.  If you tell a child he is no good, incapable of doing good, do not be surprised when he fulfills your expectation.  So it is the same with adults.

Finally, we tell men that women want a nice guy who makes them laugh.  Yet, we watch as women give their bodies to the bad boy persona, the guy with money, or the guy already in a relationship and then tell men that they don’t understand their needs.  Sounds like another paradox. 

So what can women do to find the good men that are out there? Sure enough seek and you shall find

Step One:  Forgive men for all the wrongs individual men have done to you.  Your hurt is not only keeping you from nurturing men to be the men you desire; it’s keeping you from being able to receive loving gestures already being given.  It literally blocks you from seeing the good ones because you are so focused on how many bad ones out there.

Step Two:  Learn how to find the good in men versus expecting men to always show their value to you.  It is as much their opportunity to show you as it is yours to recognize it.  Expecting men to always show you why they are valuable sounds good but unfortunately is not realistic.  Plus, you do not have any ownership in what they do. 

Step Three:  Choose to believe in good men again.  When you believe they exist you will naturally see more of them in places you previously didn’t see. If you believe there are not any good men, you will try to prove yourself right.  Believe they exist and you will see more of them magically appear before your eyes.

   

TUG Tip: The happiest women are not the ones with great men; they are the women who have found greatness in their man.