Partner Change or Relationship Transformation

I overheard a person describing their relationship as “completely unfulfilled”. I watched as their friend tried to listen intently to each of the reasons. They won’t do this, they keep doing that, I deserve better, why won’t they just do what I want, and they never listen. It was interesting watching the friend agree verbally in the beginning and after about 10 consecutive complaints; I could barely see a head nod.

I began to notice a pattern of the complaints and figured the friend had heard them before. Each one was about the other person in the relationship. The underlying message being everything wrong with the relationship was because of their partner. Which also means every solution is dependent on their partner. How frustrating and powerless they must have felt. When the future of a relationship relies on the behavior of one person, good or bad, the other person will inevitably feel powerless.

With Valentine’s Day coming up, this get’s highlighted. How much love a person feels will depend upon what their mate does. The message being “If only my partner would get me what I want, I would be happier” When they don’t change it doesn’t have to be our fault. Voila, problem solved.

Again, how frustrating and powerless.

It’s when both people participate in the solution, the relationship transforms. New attempts at love are met with grace instead of evaluation and judgment. New behaviors are met with patience and guidance versus expectation and disappointment.

I wonder if that person I heard wanted a relationship transformation or just their partner to change?

A Moment

Can you remember the last time you had "A" moment? A moment which happens so rarely but when it does it’s the only one you’ve ever had. When the beauty of life reveals itself to connect you and instantaneously bonds you to something so pure it cannot be made more. When your mind stops thinking and the breath falls away from your lips. The joy of "A" moment vacuums the air from the room, leaving only a silent gasp.

"A" moment so strong time wisps away, calendars fall, phones cease to ring. When you no longer ask others to confirm what you feel or compare the beauty, knowing the moment is so pure they are already connected to it. To ask if they saw it would be redundant and rhetorical. As if water over a levy flows from the inside of your soul wells up and appears under your eyes. And then it happens. "A" moment transforms into that one tear, so big you can hold onto it no longer.

Will it be wiped away or will it fall? As your cheek reveals a single wet streak it gives evidence "A" moment has captured your body. When your heart takes over and fills up for just a moment you realize "A" moment is bigger than you and yet you don’t feel smaller, it has somehow made you more.


Inspired by Susan Boyle singing “I dreamed a dream” from Les Miserables
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Social Media and Increasing Relationship Connection

When I was first introduced to social media I rejected it with more intensity than going to the doctor for the common cold. It was months of hearing the benefits of Facebook, LinkedIn, blogging, and even Twitter. The deciding factor for me occurred when I understood they were simply tools for connection. And just like every relationship, no matter how casual or intimate, connection is key.

Not only did these tools allow me to connect to others, they allowed others to connect to me in the methods they are most comfortable with. This reminded me of one of the biggest errors people make in relationships. We try and force our mate to connect to us in the ways WE desire. This is a clear sign that we have moved our goal from mutual connection to our partner connecting to us.

Learn the language and rules of their hobbies and passions. Sports, shopping, or a television show is irrelevant. It’s not just about being interested in their lives; it's giving them another avenue to talk with you about something they are comfortable with. Of course these conversation starters can naturally lead to deeper ones. What makes a stronger impact in relationships is always having something to talk about that your mate enjoys.

The next time you desire a stronger connection with your mate? The answer is associated with how many ways you allow your mate to connect to you!