Set Your Mate Free

Is your mate free to receive your love or do they still live in the prison of reciprocity? Are they filled with a motivation to say “thank you” just so you know they are thankful? If you are with a mate who lives in a world driven by obligation, thank you cards, paybacks, and one-ups today you can set them free! Give them the permission to simply receive loving gestures from you. PERIOD. Tell them the only way they can say thank you is to feel thankful. Then you can show them they could receive, without guilt. Freedom to give for the sake of giving, freedom to receive simply because it was being given Wow the freedom!

Closing the gap between how much you love them and how much they feel loved is a cornerstone to a healthy relationship. When you let go of expecting appreciation for your loving gestures, you give your mate the freedom to receive them. Then your loving gestures have impact and the power to show your love instead of proving your love.

Chances are your mate has imagined it but never felt it. Give them the permission to just receive with feeling thankful and set them free.

Valentine’s Day Hangover

I want to take this opportunity to share with many of the women who are (hopefully still) in a relationship with men who waited until the last second to shop for your Valentine’s Day gift. There are two main groups. The first group had no planning or preparation for any numbers of reasons that may or may not include “they love you/they love you not”. The second group is the ones who truly care about you and STILL wait until the last moment. It is not because they don't care but because they don't like being in a Pass/Fail situation with their love. Passing means they have proven their love and you FEEL LOVED. Fail means everything else. Not very good odds for love.

By the time they go to the gas station on the way home, they have eliminated 25 different ideas. Some of them are good but mostly just risky. Others they simply can't afford or are not even possible. So they go to the default of candy and flowers. Why would they do it when they know it won't score any new points? Because they know at least they don't end up in the dog house or on the couch for trying to express their love in the way they truly feel.

I’ve heard many women say they appreciate the little things. In the world of healthy relationships effort is one of the greatest little things.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Love Signs

Having a common language is important in communication, particularly when it comes to non-verbal. Non-verbal communicating represents over half of all things being communicated. In sports, referees they have their own way of communicating to the players and fans. Two hands on the hips in basketball mean a blocking foul. While in football it means offside by the defense. So why is this important to relationships?

If a man gives a yellow rose to a woman whom he loves simply because he finds yellow more beautiful and wants to give something besides red, this could lead to a mixed message. In “romantic” lore, yellow roses indicate friendship while red means love. It would be very easy for her to receive an inaccurate message, which could lead to hurt feelings and beyond. Thus, leaving the man confused how such a loving gesture could have such a negative impact.

Every relationship can have its own signals. And they can bring a couple together. A rub of the nose at a party can indicate “this person is driving me crazy! Come save me” or “I’m bored. Let’s go home” It’s the shared meaning that is important, not the signals.

So the next time your partner does something that has a meaning that is offensive and confusing, ask what they meant by it. You just might learn a new signal for love.

Emotional Thief

Taking things personally when they are not about you is similar to being an emotional thief. The Emotional thief steals emotion from everywhere. They live on the power and strength of emotion. Good or bad they have an insatiable hunger for emotional energy. However their greatest hunger is negative energy. Like a ravenous beast they look for it everywhere.

A compliment that just might mean something bad is blood in the water for this beast. They jump to attack the person with “what do you mean” or what are you trying to say?” The person is immediately put on the defense creating more emotion. And as the person backpedals out of something so safe trying to figure out what has happened , what has gone so terribly wrong, the emotional thief moves in for the kill with comments of being offended and hurt.

The emotional thief wants things to be about them. When it’s not? They steal it and make it personal.