Ladies!!! Raise the Bar and Date a Human.

After watching a couple on a date, I had a revelation in the plight of women to find good men and relationships. I met a nice looking, intelligent woman who was coupled up with a nice looking gentleman. After meeting them over team darts, I had a chance to interact more personally with them and learn a little bit about them. For starters, they were on a first date. His behavior was cocky, arrogant, and at times, flat out obnoxious. I was not judging, but rather noticing that his behavior was well out of the norm regarding actions and language, while hers was void of personal boundaries and respect. Inappropriate comments by him elicited frowns and clear from her. Statements such as “don’t laugh at me, I’m the king and you need to behave,” garnered surprise from all of us.

This followed with slaps on her butt, which she repeatedly responded with disgust. Her responses of “knock it off” and “behave” were met with, “Oh I’m going to get more than that later.” Yet when he leaned in for a kiss (which surprised me, as I could not figure out which signs he received that justified his move), she responded with a full kiss, including arms wrapped around him.

And there it was in plain view. If that behavior is acceptable, he has no reason to improve or do anything different. She instantly guaranteed the best she will get from him is just that. It’s a simple case of supply and demand. Change the supply, and demand will adjust. As long as that type of behavior is successful in getting a positive response, it will continue to happen. This is in no way to eliminate the ownership each man has for himself on how to treat women, only to recognize the massive amount of influence women have in how they are being treated.

Is that guy representative of men, or just him? I know many guys who, on their worst day, wouldn’t treat a woman that way. They are single and looking. I also know many guys who treat women that way and get second dates. Until women demand men to be different, men have little to no reason to change. Starting with that behavior and hoping to change it later, or hoping he will change, rarely works.

An underlying problem is masculinity has often been associated with this type of negative behavior to the point that when a man is polite, respectful, and kind, it is met with disbelief. Polite and respectful behavior is desired, but yet it is not always considered masculine. These women unconsciously connect to the rude as manly and the polite as feminine, and thus are turned off.

So the next time you complain about guys being bad, ask yourself if you are willing to stand up in the beginning for what you desire from a human more than what you expect a “guy” to do.