Who sets the curve when you grade your mate?

Its school time again! Students and teachers are getting ready for another year of lessons, homework, and of course TESTS! Do you remember that teacher who graded on a curve? There was always one student who set the curve so high you wished to be in another class! As a relationship coach, I see people grade their mates on a curve often. It can provide so much grace and allow for those dreaded “C” moments. I have also seen some curve setters sink a great number of relationships. The Terrible Three are ‘fairy tales’, ‘the best times’, and ‘the what could be/what should be’ twins. These 3 have set the bar so high people don’t just fail, they disappoint too.

‘Fairy Tales’ continue to give above average relationships the appearance of barely passing. Happily ever after becomes something that magically happens. This curve setter does not show what it takes to get to the ever after. The ending where the couple learns that fighting does not mean the marriage is over and overcoming conflict can strengthen a marriage.

‘The best times’ is a sneaky curve setter. Every time something great in the relationship occurs ‘the best times’ makes it the new standard. I have seen people move from wanting the best to requiring the best as the bare minimum. It’s hard enough competing with someone else’s past. Having to continuously out do your best has sent some of the strongest to detention and the dog house.

The ‘what could be/what should be’ twins simply make success impossible. Their parents ‘I want’ and ‘I deserve’ have taught them how to beat everyone. The twins keep us second guessing what works and to never be satisfied with what we have. I have seen these twins take down almost as many couples as gravity does rain. That rare moment when the stars align and perfection happens ‘what could be’ tells us better is possible. Before our sigh of discontentment is out, ‘what should be’ reminds us the new level of perfection is how it should be all the time.

The next time you fail your mate, check to see who set the curve.