I overheard a person describing their relationship as “completely unfulfilled”. I watched as their friend tried to listen intently to each of the reasons. They won’t do this, they keep doing that, I deserve better, why won’t they just do what I want, and they never listen. It was interesting watching the friend agree verbally in the beginning and after about 10 consecutive complaints; I could barely see a head nod.
I began to notice a pattern of the complaints and figured the friend had heard them before. Each one was about the other person in the relationship. The underlying message being everything wrong with the relationship was because of their partner. Which also means every solution is dependent on their partner. How frustrating and powerless they must have felt. When the future of a relationship relies on the behavior of one person, good or bad, the other person will inevitably feel powerless.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, this get’s highlighted. How much love a person feels will depend upon what their mate does. The message being “If only my partner would get me what I want, I would be happier” When they don’t change it doesn’t have to be our fault. Voila, problem solved.
Again, how frustrating and powerless.
It’s when both people participate in the solution, the relationship transforms. New attempts at love are met with grace instead of evaluation and judgment. New behaviors are met with patience and guidance versus expectation and disappointment.
I wonder if that person I heard wanted a relationship transformation or just their partner to change?
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1 comment:
Hey I wonder how much the person pointing the figer ever see the three fingers pointing back at them. In addition to clear an open constructive communication do you think a look at themselves is in order? Angela James
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