Are you prepared for a healthy relationship?

Most people claim a desire for a healthy fulfilling relationship. From the person who has never experienced a healthy relationship to the person currently in an unhealthy relationship that was once healthy. The easiest conceivable solution is to have a healthy partner. One who will treat us in a way that makes it so easy to be healthy that loving them fully is the most natural response. However, if we do not know how to build, restore, and enhance what is healthy, even the fictitious perfect partner is not enough.

If you have only been in unhealthy you have learned how to respond and endure it. Healthy requires a different skill set. Healthy requires more trust than protection. Not because you are guaranteed your partner will never do something hurtful, because you trust in your partner’s intent for good. Healthy requires boundaries and accountability designed to build the relationship and not for control and punishment. And Healthy is not about finding a mate who knows how to handle your insecurities, but about a person moving past them to promote internal healthy to their partner.

It’s about responding to healthy love as a way of life and not like you hit the relationship lottery. To respond with honor gratitude and respect because of how much you value them, not because it’s a miracle that must be protected and held on to.

Remember preparing yourself for healthy love is your responsibility not your mates.

Picture compliments of http://www.flickr.com/photos/dappers/98050992/

Relationship Question: Listen don't fix!

I get questions from clients and people about relationships all the time. Every month I will choose one to answer. This is one of my favorites.

“How do I get him to listen and not fix things?”

First, recognize fixing is often an act of kindness. It doesn't automatically mean there is a problem or you are not capable of taking care of it yourself. And yes, sometimes it's not done at the most appropriate time or in the best way. However, we don't typically try to fix things for people we don't care about. Remember apathy is the opposite of love; hate is just at the other end of the spectrum. So when he is trying to fix something, he may just be trying to help.

Most of the times before you start talking you have some idea whether you want to vent and talk through the situation or if you are open and looking for help to find a solution. Prepare him for success! A simple statement of “I just need to vent for a few minutes about work or home” tells him to put away his tool belt and just listen. Since he's not trying to identify the core problem and how to fix it he can actually hear some of the details you are sharing.

When you have an issue and you are open to suggestions try this opener, “Honey, I have something at work and I want your help finding a solution to it.” He many not only put on his tool belt, but his hero’s cape too. When one of my clients tried this with her husband he not only turned off the TV while watching sports, but he ran into the kitchen sat down and said, “What can I do?” She was so surprised that she actually forgot what her issue was.

You can spend a lifetime trying to get him to figure out what you want or you can take 30 seconds and tell him what you need.