Divorce is not Common

Is divorce really common, or have we become desensitized to it making it happen more often? When something reaches the level of “common” it is almost becomes expected, as if it is something out of our control. “It just happened”. Seeing divorce as common is very threatening to marriages because it discourages us from taking ownership of marital issues. When no one is willing to take ownership of a problem, we also give up ownership of the solution.

When we see divorce as common, the breakdown of marriages becomes routine. Phrases like “starter marriage” and “starter wife” become mainstream and are no longer offensive. The no-fault law was wonderful (and I mean wonderful) for women who needed to get out of abusive marriages for their own personal safety and the safety of the children, however, the long-term unintended impact of this law was certainly not in the design. Before instating this law, divorce carried a stigma. The benefit of the stigma of divorce wasn’t for shame, but rather to provide social guidelines for our benefit. A large number of marriages would be able to find happiness and fulfillment if given more time to work together and find a solution. However, when their societal boundaries promote the individual’s right to happiness at the expense of the couple, the marital union is threatened.

Divorce is not on the rise and the “50% of marriages end in divorce” is a bloated statistic. What IS common is why marriages succeed and why marriages fail. It’s far less a mystery or a secret held by the few people who married their soul mate, which still is no guarantee.