Relationship Customer Service

On TUG Talk last week with my guest Robin Frederick, founder of the Girl Power Business Network, we talked about what happened to customer service. Two days later I went to hardware store bought two things. In the process I had five different people either offer to help or physically assist me. That's customer service.

On the show, I suggested one of the reasons exceptional customer service went away was people stopped saying thank you. Simple positive reinvorcement. Customers stopped telling employees how much we liked it and many companies started thinking price was the selling point. Good customer service was the norm and became taken for granted. Now that it is no longer the norm, it is missed more than ever. So much so that when we do get good customer service we are more surprised than pleased. It even became more common to take time for a complaint than a compliment.

This happens in relationships. People stop saying thank you for the things we value. Loving gestures celebrated in the beginning of relationships are given so consistently they become the norm. When that happens those same loving gestures become expectations. Providing financially, preparing dinner, house management, taking care of the kids; these are several I hear about frequently. It is only when they are missing they are truly noticed.

When a person is thanked for doing the basic and mundane parts of relationship, it makes it easier for them to enjoy doing them. The most amazing part about this concept is most people know it. Yet it doesn’t get done. A person doesn’t have to say thank you every single time. In fact consistent and occasional is the best method to lead to the loving gesture being repeated.

Saying thank you for the basics and the little things is one of the most natural ways to ensure they continue. It becomes a way of living that promotes the desirable behaviors around us. Before I left the hardware store I waited an additional 10 minutes until a manager was available to let them know what a great job the employees did. She was more surprised at the compliment than I was at the service.

5 Socially Acceptable Reasons to say “I Don’t” after "I Do"

It’s been over a quarter of a century since the no fault divorce law was implemented. it was originally purposed to make it easier for women in abusive marriages to get away from the perpetrators of violent and harmful situations. In the age of divorce, the reasons people give for divorcing seems endless. Some of those reasons include abuse, adultery, and emotionally stunting environments with people who are unwilling to make changes. However, there are many reasons people are getting divorced that do not point to a serious problem worthy of breaking what was initially a lifelong commitment. The following are 5 of the many that I have heard.

5 Socially Acceptable Reasons:

1. I was too young
The implication is when making a lifelong decision, youth and inexperience doesn’t warrant judgment or accountability. The marriages we celebrate the most are the ones that last the longest. If you don’t marry young, it makes it very difficult to reach a 50 year long marriage. Plus, with the average age people are getting re-married reaching the 25 year mark is going to be harder than ever.

2. We weren’t meant for each other
This usually is followed by the sentiment that if a couple was meant for each other it would have worked out. This presents a significant problem in the logic. Apparently being meant for each other automatically makes people enjoy each other and the only way to know is if it works. It adds this mystical component well outside the choice to work on the areas of contention and disappointment instead of seeing that fulfillment is a personal choice built on individual decisions.

3. We grew apart
Welcome to marriage! Every marriage has moments and times where people don’t feel as connected as they used to be or even want to be. One person may be investing a significant portion of energy in work, children, or just individual growth. During that stage, the life goals may shift and the connection is lessened between the couple. Marriage is based upon moving through those times and making the effort to reconnect. The commitment provides the time necessary for a couple to enjoy the joy of reconnection.

4. It just didn’t work
I am always baffled how few questions this one creates. It insinuates the marriage was just supposed to run by itself and naturally fix itself. Or even more insidious, the idea that they tried a few things that didn’t get the desired results so instead of continuing to find a solution they stopped looking for one. Rarely do I hear people asking for details or asking what they tried and did they try everything possible. Being committed to finding a solution means every failure is one step closer.

5. I wasn’t happy
As a huge proponent of marriage, this one completely undermines the purpose of marriage and commitment. Since I have yet to hear a wedding vow that said “make me happy or I will divorce you”, the function of marriage is not to make people happy. Happiness in marriage is a natural result when two people work together to love each other and reach for common goals.