A Look of Humanity

I was talking with a friend at my favorite coffee shop about the plights of the homeless. In his spare time he volunteers with Hope Ministries, serving homeless men and women. I was initially drawn to his enthusiasm for what he was learning in the process. Not only regarding the truths about homeless individuals, but also about him. One story he shared was about a man who wasn't asking for money, sympathy, or wine. He just wanted people to look him in the eye occasionally. In its simplest form, he wanted to be seen as human.

It reminded me that we all desire to be seen as human on occasion. After all, our one connection to each other is our humanity. Before that man acquired the status of “homeless”, he may have been a husband or a manager. Ironically, he still may not have had people see him as human, only the role he played for others. I began to see a myriad of faces that people no longer see as human. How we look at the roles and status more than the humans behind them. Just like the woman who lost her humanity when she excelled at work and became someone’s boss. Just like the man who is seen only as a father or husband and no longer the person with a mission to empower the community.

The next time you see someone with distinguishable status, look them in the eyes and give them the gift of humanity. The rich man in a suit, the attractive woman, the person giving you coffee are all human first. Take a moment to just look in their eyes.

Who knows, you might just feel a little more human yourself.

Role Value Recession

Often what happens to one gender also happens to the other. On the surface it may look different, but at its core, a profound similarity exists. The current recession has lead to job losses and those losses are affecting men’s role value. The industries most affected are ones dominated by males in those positions so naturally job losses have affected more men. In a society dominated by role value and the man’s role is that of provider, his role value decreases. This often occurs even when a circumstance beyond his control limits his opportunity to financially provide.

Historically, perception of a woman’s role value has often been connected to her degree of beauty. The woman’s role value recession occurred when the size of what is beautiful went from a size 10 to a size 2.* Marilyn Monroe used to be an icon of beauty with curves still visible under a swirling white dress. As the media and magazines began endorsing thinner women, by sheer repetition of cover models at size 0, the perceived standard of beauty shifted to accommodate. When this happened, women experienced social pressure to achieve the new size of beauty. Since men were being shown and taught the same things about what beauty was supposed to look like their expectations increased as well.

By today’s standards, runway models seem to bare more ribs than cleavage, while men making $50K require a second income to support a family of four. Because of this, an opportunity exists to move beyond role and gender value and connect to our human and individual value. As a person the man’s value has not changed due to economic shifts any more than the woman’s individual value is based on a cultural change. It is up to both of them to find and express new ways to connect to their own value. They must also make themselves available for others to connect to their new found value separate from financial and beauty. After all, the connection between two individuals will always be recession proof.


*contrary to popular belief Marilyn Monroe’s size was not a 16 but closer to a modern day 10. http://traceurl.com/rdS?r=3753&l=29

Relationships: What are they all about?

Let’s start with Romance…

It’s not about candy on Valentine’s Day or a limo ride to candlelight dinners. It’s not about date night every Friday or getting a sitter for the kids to see a movie before an expensive dinner. It’s not about jewelry, big diamonds, or planes flying over ballparks saying “will you marry me?” It’s not even about flowers on Wednesday for no apparent reason. And it’s definitely not about money, power, looks, or even sex.

It’s about connection and meaning.

Romance is a man saying “I love you more than your feelings”, meaning it, and her receiving it. Romance is a woman listening, genuinely listening to the batting statistics of a baseball player because she understands why it means so much to him and his son. Romance is about rubbing your hands over your mate’s side of the bed while they are brushing their teeth so they don’t have to experience the feeling of cold sheets in the middle of winter.

It’s about connection.

Romance is a man giving Ghirardelli chocolates because he remembers her favorite vacation with him was the trip they took to San Francisco while they were dating and that’s where they make the chocolate. Not because he’s’ done something wrong, but because he loves her; and she knows the difference. Romance is a wife giving her husband a Cross pen set on his first day of work because that’s what his late Dad and best friend always wrote with.

It’s about meaning.

Welcome to the TUG Coaching community where I will share all that I have to inspire people that healthy, loving relationships are possible and achievable.